Dear Richard Madeley: My wife used to be a sex worker – I’m worried her sister will spill the beans

Can I ask her to keep our secret? The truth would blow up our stable Home Counties life

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Years ago, I met a girl in a bar in Thailand. I knew she was a sex worker, but I was captivated. She was funny and original, we talked for hours. Eventually we went to bed and, yes, I paid. The story after that was a bit of a cliché, I suppose – I courted her at work, we started a ‘normal’ relationship, then we married on the beach, with her family and a couple of my friends in attendance.
A while later we came back to the UK. I never felt ashamed or embarrassed and I am sure she didn’t, but we did tend to fudge the question of how we met. Thirty years later, we are profoundly happy, with two grown-up children we adore; my wife has a small business in the local town, and is loved by everyone. And her sister, who worked in the same bar back in the day and now owns a similar establishment, is coming to stay.
The sister has an infectious if ribald sense of humour, and the warmest heart. If we go out with friends, I’m sure she will charm them. She will also, inevitably, somehow ‘blow our cover’ – which I think would change the way some people treat us.
I don’t want to ask the sister to connive in a lie, but I don’t want to shake the foundations of our previously stable Home Counties life. What should I do?
— Anon, via email
I loved your fascinating letter. Full of love, joy, and acceptance of things past. It sounds to me as if you’ve had a happy, blessed life. I don’t think you or your wife have a single thing to hide or feel ashamed about.
So what if you met in the circumstances you describe? Look at what it led to! Trust me, Anon, your friends and family love you and your wife for who you are today. They won’t re-evaluate and judge you for how you found each other three decades ago.
If your sister-in-law does end up blurting out secrets of the past, they’ll be intrigued, I’m sure, perhaps even a tad scandalised; but, I repeat – so what? It’s the stuff of romantic novels, whereas yours is a true love story. Be proud of it!
You can find more of Richard Madeley’s advice here or submit your own dilemma below.
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